My Dad Would Divorce My Mom if She Got FAT!

Growing up Beathard there were somethings you did not do.   Getting fat was one of them.   My Aunt Ethelyn used say she was not fat but fluffy and that seem to be alright.  If you met my Aunt she is the happiest funnest person around that at 79 still rafts down Georgia rivers and has a holistic medical practice.  Very cool.  Fluffy is a great attitude, fat is not.

No I am talking not fluffy - but fat.  So all this talk I heard from my Dad did not concern me until I gained the extra 10lbs in college.  That is when my bad stuff broke out.  No one could help.  I was also a Strutter at SWT and everyone was upset at me for gaining weight I was benched for games.   But the weight gain was just a symptom.   There was something wrong.  No reason to go back and find out - I think I know but it is not important.   Also too - my mom must  have noticed the huge bag of Kisses I ate in one sitting while visiting them but she never said anything.    This was not about her or my Dad actually.  This was about me.   Negativity in my life period that I had to deal with.  My insecurities manifesting this desire to hurt myself keeping me from being whom I was suppose to be. A chain or anchor I had to let go.  It had nothing to do with my Dad.  OH my Dad says stuff like everyone - but that is him not me, big difference.   My choice of acting out my pain probably had everything to do with what he said, but he was not the reason.  It was me.  Me and my lack of faith.

Of course I am not at all the daughter my Dad thought I should be. Who is.   Even as late as 40yrs old  he suggested I buy a china cabinet because I would find a better suitor after my divorce.  And I did - he is my Dad, but inside the china cabinet I put rocks that I found from my rafting trip.  I could care less bout China and stuff.....  Dad came over and smiled when he saw what I had done, and I think he secretly liked it.   It is not what "people" do, but I loved my rocks.   anyway...Dad can only give advice on what he knows.  He truly loves me so so so much.

My point is my weight gain was all about me.   Me not being able to stand up for myself.  I did however...  I quit college and moved to florida to sing and dance in a dixie land bar.   Oh my Dad was furious, and he cut me off.  He said, "if you quit school.. blah blah blah."  and I did and I was.  Even to this day if I get a loan it is with interest and a huge speech on how I need to ........

So I grew knowing that my Dad would divorce my Mom if she got fat.   My Dad loves my Mom so much too.    I never thought that was a bad thing. In fact I think my Mom liked that.   My Mom and I did Jane fonda together, and walked and we were always so active traveling...  it would slow my Dad down if Mom could not keep up.   He was a pilot and did not have time to do the house stuff.... so Mom ran a tight ship and Dad brought home the money.  And they took trips and did all sorts of fun stuff.   But fat is different from fluffy.  You see fluffy is still happy and adventurous, and will still put on a one peice at the drop of a hat to go off on a rafting trip, a fat person would say no, I need to loose weight, you would not catch me with all this fat on me doing that.  

So would my Dad really divorce my Mom if she gained weight.  If it was permanent I think eventually he would.  For the weight gain and bad choices in eating is not about my Dad or what he says, or anyone else.   The weight gain is about issues that Mom needs to face in order to live a free life.  My Dad can not make her free, no one can.   My Dad can not solve her issues.    Nor can anyone solve his.   And our lives are too short.

So before I married Jake we had this conversation.  Yes it is a business , business of marriage.   Through thick or thin - yes, if there is some medical condition - but if it is purely because of lack of self control or self hate, issues. ....  neither Jake nor I could help each other.   We would work it out as long as we could to try to get through an issue, like if someone died that was way close, that would be an issue to work through.  And we would, through prayer and so forth.  But I would never want Jake to stay married to me, if this event crippled me or kept me from "keeping up".

Actually my Mom lost her baby girl and my parents made it through.   Mom says that - somethings you just do not get over, but while you are alive, no matter what , you still have life to live.   But that is another story.

Have a great day!

PS  - How I got out of my "bad stuff" -- will be another blog....  later... still use the same stuff today - as back then - cause we are not perfect - we all go through ups and downs....... it's how we recover that matters......

party like a rock star!!

Tammy